Friday, December 2, 2011

Oh yeah. Duh.

I tried to make candy for my ladies gourmet night.  Twice.  A single batch, and then a double.  And nothing worked.  At first, I thought it was the granulated sugar that I rolled the fruit jellies in, instead of icing sugar.  I thought perhaps the hygroscopic properties of the sugar was the culprit that was making my candies weep and soften.  But the next day the same happened when I used the powdered sugar.  And then I looked outside.  And realized it had been raining heavily for a couple of days.  Um, duh.  High humidity and candy don't mix.  I know this.  And yet somehow I totally spaced on such a simple fact.

That's okay.  I didn't even end up going anyway.  Seriously.  I skipped my beloved gourmet night.  In favour or what, you ask?  Sanity.  Simple sanity.

Wednesday was a stressful day, coming off of a stressful several days (did you read my last post?)  I was frustrated by my candy failure, unimpressed with my appetizer offering (barbecue pulled pork wontons), short with the kids, spinning in circles in my own mind, and feeling like my breaking point was in sight.  My friend was coming to pick me up just after 7:00.  Hubby took the kids out just before 6:00.  Between those two times, I called my friend to let her know that I just was not going.  I asked her to come by and pick up my appetizers, and convey my apologies to the group.  I couldn't go.  The thought of socializing, even with friends, was too much.  The thought of sitting at someone else's house, sitting on the couch watching a movie left me realizing that if I was going to spend the evening in front of the TV, I wanted it to be with my husband. 

And do you know what happened?  The moment I hung up the phone and sat down to continue making my appetizers, I smiled.  I began singing the Christmas song on the radio.  My heart lifted and I felt... good.  Like I'd sprinted back from the brink to a cozy, safe place where I could sprawl out and breathe.  The relief was palpable.  And it felt wonderful.  I'd made the choice to do something for me.  And I didn't regret it or feel selfish.  And I got to put my kids to bed and give them extra cuddles, and I got to curl up with my husband for a little TV and, most importantly, time spent sharing the same space without running here and there.  It was a good decision.  One I won't hesitate to make again.

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