Monday, November 28, 2011

If My Inspiration Returns

Our four year old princess has been sick for a bit now.  What started out nearly 2 weeks ago as a fever and cough progressed to what we thought was the flu, then maybe nothing, then maybe Roseola, then.... We really don't know.  Any of the above are still on the table, but the bottom line is that she has this wet, lingering cough that is keeping her (and me) from sleeping well and has been the suspected root cause of her throwing up at least 3 times in the past week and a half.  Taking medicine also triggers her gag reflex (though not immediately - a few minutes after willingly taking it).  Now she won't take anything at all.  I don't blame her, mind you.  All of this has left me quite stressed.  And tired.  Very tired.

This week I have a couple of things requiring my time in the kitchen.  I need to make cupcakes for the kids for an event with a group that says it's "nut aware."  We've come to realize that what they mean is that they know peanut allergies exist.  Period.  It doesn't mean that they take any steps to choose safe snacks for affected children.  Don't get me started.  I wish that Babycakes mini-cupcake maker was available in Canada. 

Anyway, there is also my ladies gourmet night.  We're doing a goodie exchange and tapas.  We need to bring 4 1/2 dozen of something, plus appetizers for 8.  I have my dishes in mind.  Pink grapefruit "Turkish delight" (jelly candies, which I'll roll in white sugar and citric acid, for zing), and Asiago frico cups filled with balsamic drizzled arugula and topped with some smoked prosciutto.  Sounds simple?  And it is.  Except my motivation has vanished along with my energy.  I'm debating going at all at this point.  I want to, but I don't, kwim?

What I really want is to take an evening when all of this sick is over and get a hotel room, by myself.  I want to zone out alone, just staring at the wall if I choose to, knowing that short of a fire in the potted plant in the hall or a Spider Man wanna-be smashing through the window in my room, I will not be required to do anything.  Nothing will be demanded of me.  No one will need me to fetch water, get a snack, find socks, wash clothes....

I guess I'm just feeling a bit burnt out.  There is enough positive to keep me going right now.  It's just hard to focus on when I'm so worn down.  Little Miss is really doing okay.  We'll take her to the doctor later, just to find out what's going on and if it's running its course.  I can't imagine trying to give her anything for it at this point.  She's so gun-shy that we'd never get it in, let alone figure out how to make her keep it down.  But I'm heading into the negative again.  Ultimately she's still relatively perky, still cuddly, still her happy self.  Just not as often.  And her brother, who I need to stop referring to as "Little Mister" now that he's turned seven, is taking the lack of attention relatively well.  Must remember to focus some time just for him today.

I'm going to take some time to dwell on the pluses, rather than the minuses, and see where that gets me today.  Prayer is a great way to shift from looking inward at the bad stuff to outward at our blessings.  I'll admit it's not always my go-to solution, though.

So, if I end up roasting the chicken I bought on the weekend (assuming it's still good) rather than sticking it in the freezer, we can assume things are looking up.  I'll Tweet about it later and let you know.

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